If This Cat Could Talk…
By: Ellipsis the Great
DISCLAIMER: Kingdom Hearts and everything affiliated with it belongs to SquareEnix and Disney. All I own is the plot…
Summary: Axel’s therapist suggests that he get a cat to help him get over an accident involving his little brother’s best friend. It doesn’t take him long to realize that strange things are afoot, however…
Rated: T just in case. May change later on.
Spoilers: None that I know of…
Warnings: Definite yaoi on the horizon, a little angst (obviously), and I suppose I should point out that this is AU…

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CHAPTER ELEVEN: In Which The Day Goes From Weird to Weirder

You know the drill for a dream, now, yeah? White room, me in one corner, Roxas (in human form again), the seemingly random body in another corner—it had spiky brown hair—
And, of course, the voice.
“Are you going to be able to help him, now?” The voice was amused this time.
“Yes. Yes, I think so.” Roxas said, sitting beside me. “Thank you.” He glanced at me, seeming to remember something. “Oh, but I have to be a cat tomorrow. I’m supposed to meet his…”
“Shrink.” I supplied. “He’s supposed to meet my shrink.”
“Silly kitten.” The voice laughed. “You are able to choose which form you take. Just say which one you want to be and you will change. But I should warn you that your clothes won’t change with you.”
Roxas laughed. “A cat wearing clothes would look strange.”
“As would a naked human, I’m sure.” The voice agreed. “Is there anything else? I shall have to leave, soon.”
“Is Roxas a cat or a human?” I asked, remembering our conversation from the day before.
The voice was quiet for a moment.
“Roxas isn’t either.” It finally said. “But he’s both, at the same time. Both and more. You aren’t meant to know, Axel.”
“Why not?”
“You just aren’t.” It said.
“But I want to know.” I insisted. “Can he feel human emotions? Or does he just feel cat instincts and stuff?”
“Roxas can feel whatever he wants to feel.”
“But I thought you couldn’t choose to feel your emotions?” Roxas broke in.
“Real people can’t.”
Roxas paled. “I’m…not real?”
“You know what you are, Roxas. And you know why you’re here.”
“How can he not be real?” I demanded. “I’ve seen him, and touched him, and…and he has to be real. He just has to be!”
“Roxas knows what is he, Axel, and he knows why he’s here. That’s all that matters.”
“No, it’s not.” I said. “I should know, too.”
“Perhaps you will, one day, but I cannot tell you, and Roxas won’t.” A pause. “I need to go. Be careful, Axel. And you, Roxas. Especially you.”
“I know.” Roxas said quietly, but I could feel that the voice had already left.
“You won’t tell me what’s going on?” I asked, hurt.
“I can’t, Axel.” He said helplessly.
“No, the voice said it couldn’t tell me. You just won’t.” I said. “Please, Roxas? I want to understand what’s going on.”
“No, Axel.” He said. “I…I can’t. Not yet. Maybe someday, but…not now. I can’t tell you now.”
“Why not?” I asked.
“I don’t know, okay?” He asked. “I just…I just can’t.”
“But—”
“Axel, I can’t. Please stop asking me.”
“Please, Roxas.”
“I said stop asking me!”
“Roxie…”
“NO!”

~*~PAGEBREAKPAGEBREAKPAGEBREAK~*~

I was thrown out of the dream with that exclamation, nearly vaulting Roxas off of my chest where he had been sleeping. He was a cat again, and retreated to the edge of the bed, where he proceeded to give me a disgruntled look.
I returned it with a glare of my own.
“You switched on purpose didn’t you?” I asked. “Just so you wouldn’t have to answer me.”
He stared back at me; a blank stare that made me wonder if he was the same Roxas in cat form as he was in human form.
“Fuck it.” I swiveled my body around and set my feet on the floor, leaning forward and resting my head in my hands. “Dammit, I have enough shit to deal with already without all of this!”
A soft knock on the door made me look up, my eyebrows knitting together. Someone at my house actually knocked?
“Yeah.” I said, more curious than anything else, and felt one of my eyebrows inch upward as Riku entered the room. “Riku? You okay?”
He nodded wordlessly, eyes flickering around my room. “Where’s Roxas?”
I shrugged, forcing myself not to look at the cat at the end of my bed. “I just woke up. He probably went out for breakfast or something.”
Another nod. “I just…wanted to talk to you about yesterday?”
I frowned. “What about yesterday?” I asked suspiciously.
“I…” He hesitated.
He was making me worried—Riku was always sure of himself. Always. I had never seen him like this before.
“Was all of that true? Everything you said to Kairi about…about why you took Sora driving?” He asked nervously.
“Oh, now you want my side of the story?” I asked, my frown deepening.
“Yes.” There was the Riku I knew—never one to beat around the bush.
“I didn’t mean for you guys to fight like that.” I said after a moment’s pause. “I just wanted you to come clean with him about it. I mean…you were so scared about it when you came out to me, and I just…I was trying to help, and that’s the only way I could think of to do it. So I told him you were gay.”
“And then he got mad at me because I didn’t tell him myself.” He said, with a little smile on his face. “Typical Sora.”
“Y-yeah. I guess.” I gave him a weak smile, still unsure what to make of all this.
He sat down on the bed beside me. “So? What then?”
“You guys fought. You know that. And it was my fault, y’know? I was just trying to help and I ended up making things worse…and I guess I did the same thing again. I wanted to talk to him alone, and try to smooth things over.” I scowled. “I wasn’t trying to turn him gay like Kairi thinks, okay? I just wanted you two to be best friends again. And, sure, I was hoping you’d get together eventually, but…that’s just because you’re my baby brother. You’ve been in love with Sora for forever. I was rooting for you, and I was trying to help the only way I could think of to do it. If he got used to the idea of you being gay, then maybe he’d think about it and realize he was, too, and then maybe you’d get together.” I looked down at my hands. “I dunno. I was just being stupid, probably.”
“You do that a lot.” He observed, his mouth quirking up a little.
I nodded uncomfortably. Riku hadn’t joked like this with me since before the accident, and it was throwing me for a loop.
“Why’d you take him driving, Axel?” He asked. “You could’ve taken him for a walk…even you know better than to go driving on New Year’s Eve, especially that late at night.”
“I still don’t know why, Riku.” I said softly. “I’m sure it made sense at the time. I’ve thought of reasons—if I took him walking he could take off without really listening to me. If I took a car it’d be harder for people to follow us. I was a week away from my test, so I just wanted to drive for the hell of it.” I shook my head. “ I’m sure it was probably the last one, but I just…I don’t know why I did it. I just don’t know.”
We were both quiet for a long time.
“When Dad first told me about the accident, I never thought of you.” He said suddenly. “I started worrying about Sora right away. I don’t think I even registered that you were in the wreck too until Dad said something. And then he said you were fine and I…I got so angry. I’m still angry, Axel. I’m angry with you, and with the drunken bastard who did this, and with God…and it scares me, how angry I get…how angry I am. But I can’t help it.”
“You have a right to be angry.” I said.
“How can you say that? After everything I’ve said and done to you…Axel, you’re right. You didn’t put Sora in that bed. It was all just a big accident. And I know that, I do. But there’s a part of me…a big part of me…that won’t accept that. I hate you, Axel. I know it’s wrong. I know this isn’t your fault. But I still hate you.”
“I know, Riku.” I said, wishing he wouldn’t rub it in. As if he hadn’t already told me enough times in the past ten years.
“No. I don’t want to hate you, Axel. You’re my brother, and I shouldn’t hate you.”
“People don’t always feel what they should, Riku. Emotions aren’t something you can control.”
“Well, I’m going to try.” He said with the determination and certainty that always seemed to surround him. “And for what it’s worth, I…I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize to me, Riku.” I muttered, standing. “I…I have to get ready to go see Dr. Sei.”
I could feel his gaze boring into my back.
“Right.” My bed creaked a little as he stood, and I tried not to watch him as he left. I was mostly successful, only glancing at him long enough to see him giving me a hard, thoughtful look before he disappeared through the doorway.
I let out a loud sigh and leaned against my dresser.
I didn’t know what to make of the situation. Riku had never talked to me like that, even before everything that had happened. He just wasn’t the type to lay it all out there, and to ask for someone else to do the same. And everything that he had said…
It was an emotional overload. A bleeding mindfuck, if you will.
I decided not to think about it, and grabbed some clothes.

~*~PAGEBREAKPAGEBREAKPAGEBREAK~*~

“Would you like to talk about Sora today, Axel?” Zexion asked as I settled into my seat.
I shook my head slowly, pulling Roxas out of my pocket. “I got a pet like you asked me to.” I said as I set him on the desk. “His name’s Cricket.”
Zexion nodded, only glancing at the cat for a moment. “That’s good. So?”
“So, what?” I asked, frowning. “I’ve only had him for a few days—what do you want me to say?”
“I want you to say whatever you want to say.” He said.
“What am I supposed to say? It’s a cat, Zex! A cat! How is he supposed to help me?”
“I told you, it’s just an experiment. I want to see if taking care of something will help you. The cat itself is just a means to that end.” He said.
I snatched Roxas off of the desk and cradled him to myself. “Don’t talk about him like that, huh?”
“Mhm.” Zexion nodded, scribbling in his notebook. “Well, it might take a few weeks for there to be any progress. What would you like to talk about today?”
I sank into my seat with a huffy sigh, petting Roxas and looking at him so I wouldn’t have to look at my therapist.
“Sora’s cousin showed up the day before yesterday.” I said after a few moments of silence. “His name’s Roxas Astera. He’s an orphan, and he’s been getting passed around to different foster parents, which is why he didn’t find out before now.”
“Alright. Tell me about him.” Zexion said, threading his fingers together and resting his chin on them.
“He’s…nice.” I said.
Roxas jumped out of my lap and began wandering around the room.
“He’s staying with us right now so he doesn’t have to stay in a hotel. And he…found out about my scars.” I said, fiddling with the ends of my shirt sleeves.
“And…?” He prompted.
“And he made me promise not to cut again.” I said, a tiny smile creeping to my face. “He’s a sweet kid. He’s got this…he sucks his thumb. When he gets nervous and stuff. So…I made him promise not to do that. He helps me and I help him…even if I haven’t cut in years.”
“How old is he?” Zexion asked, frowning.
“I dunno…a little younger than Riku, maybe? He doesn’t talk about himself much.” I noticed that Roxas cringed a bit when I said that. Good. “But he doesn’t think the accident was my fault. Oh! And yesterday Lux took us to the café for lunch, and Kairi and everyone else was there. And Roxie stood up for me. It was like…I dunno. No one’s ever stood up for me like that before. I mean, Lux does a little, but not like this. Kairi started badmouthing us—something about Roxie shacking up with me and me being a monster—and Roxie just…went off on her. It was…it was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen.”
“Go on.”
“And I…I stood up for myself, too. Naminé took Roxie outside to talk to him…I dunno what about, but…anyhow, Kairi started mouthing off about him, and I just…” I shook my head. “He’s the first member of Sora’s family to not immediately hate me. I mean, most of them don’t have too much of a problem with me, but…it took them a few years. Even Cid doesn’t really like me most times. And I didn’t…I don’t…want to lose that. So I…stood up for him, and I stood up for myself, and…it was terrifying, and amazing, and…freeing. I went too far with it, I know, but—”
“How did you go too far with it?” He cut me off.
“Oh…well, she started going on about how I deserved to die, so I picked up a knife and asked her how many more cuts it would take for me to deserve to live.” I said, a little embarrassed. “And then Roxie came back in, and…God, he was so mad. He even slapped her. And then he pulled me out of the café and we went home.”
“Well…it sounds like he’s good for you, Axel.” Zexion said carefully. “You should bring him in sometime. I would encourage you to try to…reign in your responses to the things Kairi says, though. It’s wonderful that you’re finally standing up for yourself, but you shouldn’t threaten yourself in order to do that, alright?”
I nodded. “Roxie yelled at me for it later.”
“Good.” He said. “Is there…anything else you would like to talk about?”
I hesitated, contemplating whether or not I should bring it up.
“Well…Riku came and talked to me this morning?”
Zexion’s eyebrow arched upward. “Just to talk?”
“He wanted to know what really happened the night of the accident.” I said. “Why I took Sora driving and all. It was…really weird.”
“No, no that’s good. In fact, that’s very good. I was starting to worry that he would hold onto this forever. It was beginning to seem unhealthy; I was very close to calling him in here himself.” He said. “Your brother’s actions and reactions have greatly influenced your condition, Axel. If he can move past this and forgive you, I’m sure your condition will vastly improve.”
“I guess so.” I said uncertainly. “But he said he still hates me. He’s still angry.”
“Of course.” He said, seeming to have expected this. “You can’t just flip a switch with these sorts of things. I’m sure it will take a while—maybe even years—for him to fully get over all of this. Ten years is already a long time, but…your brother moves slowly. He holds onto things.”
“You don’t have to tell me that.” I muttered.
“Yes, of course.” He agreed easily, shuffling some papers. “Well, I’m very proud of you, Axel. I think you’ve come along very well in the past few days. If you keep this up…well, we won’t go into that. Just keep it up.”
I nodded, standing. “Alright. Thanks, Dr. Sei.”
“You’re welcome, Axel.” He said.
We shook hands.
“I’ll see you next week. Why don’t you bring Roxas? Or Riku; it would be nice to have a session with either one of them here with you.”
“Alright.” I said as I scooped Roxas up into my arms. “See you.”
He waved again, following me out to call in his next patient.
I took a deep breath and let it out with a smile as we exited the office, setting Roxas in his customary perch on my shoulder. I felt better than I had in a long time.
“Oi, Ginger!”
I looked over at Luxord, who was pushing himself off of the wall he’d been leaning on.
“Hey, Blondie.” I said.
“How was it?” He asked with a pointed glance at the building.
I shrugged. “It was alright. We just talked for a while.” I winced a little. “And, ah…I’m sorry about yesterday.”
“Nah, man.” He clapped me on the shoulder (the one Roxas wasn’t on). “It’s about time you stood up to those two. But that Roxas kid?” He shook his head. “You sure know how to pick ‘em, Ginger.”
“What happened after we left?” I asked weakly, not sure if I wanted to hear the answer.
“Not much.” He said with a shrug. “At least, not that I know of. Kairi started getting mouthy again so I told her she’d best shut up if she didn’t want to get slapped again and left.”
My eyebrows rose. “But you don’t hit girls. Ever.”
“Before now, my rule has always been that I don’t hit girls unless they hit me or mine first, but…I was rooting for the kid when he hit her.” He winked at me and smirked. “The line’s a bit blurry, I guess.”
“Yeah.” I said. “You…don’t think I took it too far?”
“Sure I do.” He said with a roll of his eyes, as if it had been a stupid question. “You shouldn’t threaten to hurt yourself, dumb ass. But considering it’s the first time you’ve ever even tried to stand up for yourself…” He mussed my hair. “I’m proud of you, Ginger.”
“Yeah, yeah.” I punched his arm.
“And seeing as how you missed dinner last night, and I’m such a good guy, Xiggy’s agreed to take us out again.” He said brightly, throwing an arm around my shoulders.
I chuckled. “Alright, sure.”
“The kid’s welcome to come, too.” He said. “If you know where he is.”
My eyes flickered toward Roxas for a moment. “He might be at the house already. He left early this morning, though—before I woke up—so I dunno. We could go check real quick.”
“Right.” He nodded towards Roxas. “You gotta drop off the demon cat anyhow.”
I made a face as we started walking. “You been talking to Pops?”
“Riku, actually. He says it’s a regular little attack cat.” Luxord laughed loudly.
“Sic ‘im, Cricket.” I drawled, jumping a little when Roxas arched up and hissed.
“What the fuck, man!” Luxord jumped back, eyes wide. “I thought he was joking! Holy Jesus Christ son of the Virgin Mary!”
“Cricket, stop. I was kidding.” I said, nearly as surprised as Luxord. Roxas let out a small snort, jumping up onto the top of my head and settling into my hair.
“Dude, your cat is glaring at me.” Luxord said, mouth twitching as he stared up at Roxas.
“He does that.” I sighed. “Cricket, behave.”
Luxord watched, fascinated, as Roxas stood up, turned around, and sat back down again, his tail hanging in my face.
“Dude…that is really creepy.”

~*~ENDCHAPTERELEVEN~*~